“God, I Really Would Like to See A Big Fish”

“When I wake up in the mornin’ love,

And the sunlight hits my eyes

And somethin’ without warning love

Bears heavy on my mind”

- Bill Withers 1977, Lovely Day

Iconic. Classic. Timeless piece by Bill; however, it was my current reality one early morning. As I progress through young adulthood—and I’m sure my fellow young adults are growing to understand— you can have an “off” day for no reason. Literally no reason.

“Somethin’ without warning love, Bears heavy on my mind”

That was the morning prior to leaving for Wisconsin. That evening my mom and I decided to go to the beach— as you should know from one of my poems “That Which Was Home”— it is a place that I love. The seemingly endless ocean, consistency of the waves, the vastness. It was a quiet evening, not many people at the beach—typical for this time.

My mom having her own battles, we both could use some rest.

As she brought her Bible and began to read the scriptures, I tried to lay down and sleep. The blanket from my moms trunk was just the right size and the sand felt soft, but a massive headache, with a “mental fogginess” prohibited any type of rest. Just consistent stress.

I have been to this beach my entire life. Never really in the evening at this particular time, but I’m familiar with the social norms here; the agreeable wave, friendly smile, and maybe, just maybe, a brief conversation as retirees, snowbirds, college kids and undercover multi-millionaires walk their dogs, read a book, etc.

A random man who barely speaks any English walks up to us and asks my mom what is she reading. We decipher something to the fact that he wishes he could read the Bible more but can’t find many Bibles in his native tongue. His daughter went to. . . my fogginess was still there.

Frankly, I was overwhelmed and tired. A lot had transpired over the past few months and I was both excited and “off”.

You ever had a moment where you just wanted God to let you know that He was with you? That He see’s you? That despite everything, He’s wiser than you think, more caring and thoughtful of you than you could know?

There’s something about that hand on the shoulder. I felt like a son, who just wanted to hear from his dad. So, I posed a bold, dead serious, maybe presumptuous statement:

“God, I really would like to see a big fish”

The ocean is in front of me so a fish is sort of inevitable, but I was not talking about a tarpon or snook, I was talking a Jonah sized fish. Something that would make you talk to the random person walking by. But what I really was saying was “God, if you are with me, if you see me, and if I’m being honest, if you really are here, could you just show me that you hear me”. Can anyone relate? Sometimes its just that simple. No big grievance, no logical reasoning, no contextual-experienced based question. In our walk with Christ, we have to understand that the Lord wants us to identify him as our “Heavenly Father” for a reason—and that’s exactly who I needed in that moment, with the evidence of a really big fish.

I literally watched with hopeful expectation. I was not playin’. I expected to see a big fish with the greatest of faith for a legit 30 seconds. You ever had a stare off with a random kid while they clung to their parent? I was the playful stranger. And the ocean was the random staring kid.

As I waited with hopeful expectation two ladies approached my mom and I out of nowhere. Two older hispanic ladies, very friendly looking despite their arbitrary advance.

“Hi, are you guys Christians? I’m guessing so based on the Bible you have there.”

“Yes, we’re Christians.”

“Awesome! Well we are praying for people on the beach today and wanted to know if there is anything we could be praying for.”

Now this was random. I’ve been to this beach my entire life and I’ve never had this type of encounter. My mom very softly said “In fact yes”, and shared with the two ladies. I also shared the basic: “Yea, just prayer for God’s will to be done. . . Oh, and also wisdom in my new transition about the good news that I got.” When in actuality I had a laundry list of prayer requests (its actually comical how scripted people, including myself, can be in spontaneous social interactions).

Both ladies nodded in agreement and then the seeming leader of the two began to pray.

With hopeful anticipation I listened to the prayer, but I was not prepared. The thoughtfulness of the prayer, the accuracy of it, the kindness in it, the perfect hug. There was a sincere plea to God that she prayed with, it was moving. There are those who say nice words, and then there are those who partner with you in that moment, bringing a comfort, bringing a peace that comes from their own relationship with the Lord, ushering you into something you don’t have the strength in that moment to usher yourself into. This women’s prayer was as if a village came together, one that knew us, one that was acquainted with us, and collectively spread their love over us.

*sniffle *sniffle

As I look over from the warm tears welling up in my own eyes, I see my mom sobbing.

They finished the prayer and walked off.

It was one of those moments where you want to discuss with the person what just happened but the moment was still potent and you didn’t want to taint it; so, we sat in sweet silence for a bit; a new peace and warmth surrounding us.

As I stared out into the familiar vastnessness before me, the Lord sort of whispered to my heart:

“Wasn’t that better than a really big fish?”

I burst out laughing. I felt that in my heart so clearly that I audibly said, “Yes Lord, that was so much better than a really big fish!” I’m fully convinced that the author of romance, the physical world, logic, and intellect, is certainly the God of humor when He decides. This moment could be disregarded as coincidence or a matter of happenstance, or it could be regarded as something intentional and kind by our Creator. We get to make those decisions.

I want to encourage people to ask God the silly questions. Ask Him the hard ones. He is capable of handling both. Also, as it has been said before, and will forever be reiterated, kind words, a quick prayer, a comforting text, a moment of your time can do a lot of good in the world. It’s what we should strive for more. It’s what Jesus would want us to do.

“God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.” -Acts 17:27