The Opposite of Complication
Breathing. I’ve been doing a lot of breathing lately. Intentional breathing. Actually it’s a skill—who would have thought.
I roll over and think about nothing, just enjoying the peace that sleep provides. Did not know I would make it to this state because it took awhile to get here. It’s that perfect time in the morning where I am just becoming conscious, but not conscious enough to actually do anything about it—neither do I want to.
“God this feels great”.
I’m sure Starbucks has already broke even, the New York Times has covered President Trump's loudest controversy of the day, “that kid” was avoided at the train station, and Popper has already taken his piss; the world has already been spinning, and yet, I am intentionally unaware and at ease.
It is not that I want nothing to do with the world, but this in between consciousness, yet not conscious enough, this, has led me to the sheltered lap of comfort.
Marine Keegan, the poet, spoke of the “Opposite of Loneliness” and I couldn't agree more.
But this moment, this sheltered space, is what I would call the “Opposite of Complication.”
A friend once told me “Ty, I just want to dream with my eyes wide open.” And what he really meant was “Ty, I just want the realities and possibilities that I create when I’m in the ‘Opposite of Complication’ to be my everyday reality.” It’s that perfect balance of simple, yet exactly what we want. It’s that sweet spot of my inner man trusting, yet confirming, that this just feels right.
*Deep breath in . . . Deep breathe out . . .
I’m sure there is a word for the “Opposite of Complication”—although I can’t think of a perfect one right now. But this moment. This instance. When the God of Hope and Peace decides to shower in my bathroom, cook in my kitchen, washes my clothes and sings a little tune while making Himself comfortable, the “Opposite of Complication” is so potent. The perplexities, confusion, and overall ambiguity is tucked away in the closet of some far off land. And while singing He whispered that He’s not just the object of Hope and Peace, but is its author.
With all the complications in the world, deciding which career path will please your friends, and yet give you meaning to satisfy yourself, envying yet being wildly entertained by the online/unoriginal millionaires, being overwhelmed by federal policy (so in order to categorize the feeling you agree with hyperbolic generalizations), realizing that your family (and most adults for that matter) are more traumatized and broken than you ever knew, or that the world can be a lot scarier than you thought, yet, that just makes everything ironically that much more beautiful. Being in love with her, yet not understanding that love, excited about the future (I’m sure with great honesty), and yet that pit in your stomach, “want[ing] enough time to be in love with everything”, the poet said, “ and I cry because everything is so beautiful and so short.”
How complicated.
So although we long for the “Opposite of Complication”, we hope for it, we lie to our loved ones for it, and try to impress strangers for it, it's best that we accept that two things can co-exist—namely that things can be extremely complicated, and yet, we can still chose to trust our Helper in the kitchen while living in wonder.
*Deep breath in . . . Deep breathe out . . .
*Alarm goes off
“Okay”, I think to myself, “What time is it?”
I finally reach out for my phone.
